Losing a Father 💔

On December 9th, 2016, my heart shattered into a million pieces. As I was heading out to attend a graduation party, I noticed I had 5 missed phone calls from my mom. I also had a text from my grandmother that read, please call your mother ASAP. She needs you to call her, now. Like any worried child would do, I called my mother immediately, and in her calmest, yet somber voice, she asked me to meet her at the hospital. It was so random and out of nowhere. I remember thinking, "What in the heck is going on?" I even asked my mom a number of times to tell me why I needed to be there, but she simply did not answer me. It was so bizarre. Why was she acting like this?! On my 20-minute drive to the hospital, I thought of 100 different scenarios as to what could be going on. I called my brother to see if he knew anything, but no answer. Or maybe he did answer, but he didn't know anything yet, I can't remember. But as I neared the hospital, I got a text from my uncle saying something along the lines of, "I'm here for you and Darius (my brother) if you all need anything. I love you."

"Alright. That is enough," I thought. "Somebody, ANYBODY, please tell me what's going on!" I was starting to become extremely worried, but because I still didn't know what was going on, I couldn't really react in any particular way. I turned into the hospital entrance, and as I went to park, I saw my aunt and my uncle walking in the door. I greeted them and asked if they knew why we were all here, but of course, they didn't say anything to me. They acted as if they didn't know.

Once inside the hospital. I saw more of my aunts and uncles, cousins, and my grandparents. Then finally, I laid eyes on my mom. She came up to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Simone' - it's your father. He just passed away."

I couldn't believe what I had heard.

No. No way. Absolutely not. You're lying. This can't be true. I just saw him four days before that at a Chicago Bulls basketball game, as healthy as can be. How?! HOW?!

My mind just stopped. My heart ached. My stomach felt weak and I immediately hit the floor in tears. My dad died due to a heart attack/cardiac arrest. R.I.P. 💔

For the past five years, I have been without my father. I feel as if I'm okay now. I've grieved about the loss of my dad and by God's grace, I'm now at a point where I can smile rather than crying whenever I think of him. 😊 But, this year is still different. It's different because I'm now a parent reflecting on the loss of my own. Our father-daughter relationship presents a lot for me to work through, but now I also find myself processing through Dwayne's father-son relationship with Chaseton. One of my greatest prayers is that they have many years together because as I know far too well, tomorrow is not promised. I feel a sense of wanting to enjoy and celebrate every moment we have with our child.

Losing a parent never gets easier. In fact, you're reminded every time you think of a birthday, a holiday, a special occasion, or seeing another person losing their caregiver. Just recently throughout social media I've seen a mix of friends and acquaintances who have recently lost a parent as well and I can't help but empathize with them while being reminded of my own grieving. It sucks. It's the absolute worst feeling. But, I can promise that it does get better with time and prayer.

Today, God just laid it on my heart to pray for all of you (us.) I just want to pray for all the parents reading this blog. I want to pray for anybody reading who has lost a parent, a father, or even if your parents are still alive. I just want to ask that God cover you and your family and that you be filled with love and gratitude for what you have because, again, life simply just isn't promised.

God, 

I just want to thank you for giving us the gift of family. I thank you for giving us mothers, fathers, caretakers, grandparents, and/or children to raise and love well. I pray that this new year be filled with joyful family moments. I pray that you lay it on our hearts to call that family member, to hug our children tighter, or to mend any differences that are causing contention amongst our loved ones. Lord, I also want to ask that you cover anybody, including myself, who has ever lost a father (or parent). It is incredibly hard to deal with the grief of losing a parent but only with You, God, are we able to press on. I pray that this year we rejoice and be glad that You are our heavenly Father who cares for us and will continue to be with us when times are hard. I thank You today for life and loved ones, and I pray we all experience many more years to cherish them.

In Jesus' name, 

Amen ♥️

(Chaseton meeting his grandfather for this first time...♥️)

P.S. Today (as I'm finishing this edit at 9:38 am) I had the opportunity to tell Chaseton all about his grandfather. It was such a special moment. Chaseton kept smiling and laughing while I shared some of my best memories about my dad. It was beautiful and I'm so thankful for that moment. I pray for many more of those. 🥰